people are strange / the doors

i dont like to know someone after i have heard of the person. it just makes the whole thing so awkward, because you already have some preconceived notions of the person. it is always better to start on a clean slate. 2 complete strangers, just like the good old days.

*

by the way, talking to cute people makes me nervous. do you have the same problem?

*

i have been wrong. terribly wrong. i need to change my attitude towards life. and STOP being nervous about this whole life and career thing. *rolls eyes towards myself*

邱妙津与1995年的那一天

你躲在书店的一个角落里，两手捧着邱妙津的日记，她的懦弱她深沉的悲伤她永无止尽的哀痛让你觉得困扰。你决定不把这两本书给买下来。你脑海里浮现了邱妙津1995年在巴黎自杀的那一天。那年她才26岁。是什么事把她推入那么深暗的黑谷？爱情？理想？与生活脱轨的内心世界？你不想知道。

读到她在日记里写的一句话－她觉得一个成功的艺术家就是要用他的生命来换回一些永恒的光辉。如果有时光机的话，你会回到1995年的那一天，在她未决定鲁夺自己的性命前，去到她的身边，告诉她：没有什么比活着更重要。Not even art.

或许你会把她给带到2009年的新加坡，把她安置在你的房间里。你们或许会恋上，然后展开一场华丽的爱情故事。你们这两个时光旅人的生命就这样交织着。她或许会把你带到她在台北的家，你们会在台北昏暗的街道上紧紧握着彼此的手，深怕这一切会突然消失。

有一天，你问她，你会想回到1995年继续过生活吗？你可以答应我，如果我让你回去，你会乖乖地、好好地活着？她一句话也不说，只让她的背对着你。她说她为你写了一些东西，她只可以为你做那么多。她说，1995年的那一天已经发生了。一切都过去了。

她希望你能原谅她。

當旅途上風和日麗，就盡情享受人生的美好；當萬事出錯，請記著你總有可以說一世的故事

「 遊子意外」是一峰的第五本作品。多年來遊走世界，今次為你揭示逍遙背後的狼狽，從奧地利的初雪說到澳洲魔鬼魚，將旅行時發生的小意外小故事整理，加一點點穿鑿附會，一點點自嘲，為你展現不一樣的世界地圖。

Positive energy

最近很厚脸皮开始在想有没有可能在一些real publications上发表文章，结果就被某个新的免费报纸联络上，从下期开始会帮他们写一个专栏。it's a good start!

"everytime you want something bad enough, the world will conspire to give it to you." 我真的相信这句话！

anyway，我没有觉得我写得很好还是什么，只是真心地想表达一些想法。下期的《时间杂字》（台湾的独立刊物）也会有我写的一些东西。YEAH!开心！

very tired today. i even woke up at 12 plus for the first time in a long while...at least i did catch abit of the sun before i came to work. can't wait for the day to end. got event tonight, need to socialize. ;/

追浪时光

我每天都在想，啊，如果现在就可以跑去冲浪那该有多好。

虽然每次站在浪板上都只是几秒钟的事（而且还不是每次都可以成功地站起来），可是当你真的成功地从躺着的姿势站起来然后两脚定在板上这样直接地滑过水面，那种感觉只有一个字可以形容：爽。

还记得小中会让我们试试自己划水，然后有浪的时候他就会在我们的背后大喊：”浪来了！浪来了！“这时你必须用尽你的力气奋力地划水，试着跟上浪头，直到你在浪上时才用力地站起来。如果成功的话，你将感受到一种无比的满足感，好像自己征服了大自然一样。你可是站在浪头上耶！（虽然也只不过是一些white water，不算是真正的浪，因为冲浪新手不能冲太大的浪，会很危险）

如果还是感受不到的话，请看以下照片：

i want to (these days):

- learn filmmaking/video-editing
- live alone
- make alot of money
- take more photographs
- pick up bass again (so so groovy)
- etcetcetcetc (i want soooo many things!)

haha.

the older i am, the more i realize: FANTASY and REALITY are usually worlds apart.

游走于什么之间

我跳进泳池里，一股劲地游。一直游，一直游，一直游，水显然是碰到我的身体的，但我却感觉不到，只知道我一定要努力地游才能够想通一些事情。

"youth is wasted on the young."

是不是真的要等到老了后才能够看透所有的事呢？

我们为了什么而挣扎？

期待明天早上的阳光。

suddenly very busy. shooting publicity photos for a play, meeting GS tomorrow to possibly discuss doing something for her new single, working on my short film (i am actually doing something abt it! can't believe it).....but thats just on the surface. to be honest, i have been so lethargic and confused these past few days(weeks?). moping around, dragging my feet, not sleeping well, consumed with some sort of overpowering worry and anxiety about EVERYDAMNTHING. but, it's over now, at least for now. suddenly i remember why, and the moment i remembered, i stopped all my fanatic worrying. i am so stupid and forgetful.

i do want to travel somewhere sometime soon, but i cannot fix a date. i have never been able to fix a date. all i know is it'd be sometime around dec. or maybe not. how'd i ever know? things always turn up. booking a ticket and leaving is the best way for me i think. but anyway, i want to go to india, but it just doesn't seem like such a good time. i don't know, let me think abt it.

am hoping that the travellers' club proposal will work. depends on many many factors, but it's possible i think. still waiting for the long-overdue email from our potential partner!

i think too damn far ahead. it paralyzes me. so im gonna stop that and think & live IN THE MOMENT. NOW. THIS MOMENT IN TIME. i shall not try to anticipate what i will want 3 or 5 years from now. i shall not worry about tomorrow (or i shall worry abt it only MILDLY). i shall live.

ok, enough. i shd sleep. hopefully i will have a goood sleep. gdnight!

法国男孩

法国男孩今年24岁，长得很好看，英语不是说得太好，但厚厚的法国腔很可爱。他说话的声音很温柔。他说自己从下就非常害羞，在一堆人里他总是有些不知所措，也总是想扮得和身边的人一样酷，希望别人会想和他交谈超过30秒以上。

他脸上一直挂着一种不好意思的表情。

带他去吃粥，他说他喜欢吃皮蛋。

然后再带他到Polymath & Crust看展览，他像个小男孩，有点紧张，有点害羞，可是却还是很努力地和店主交谈，很搞笑。

我真的是第一次碰到这么害羞的法国人。

反方向

骑着单车上斜坡是件非常困难的事，可是如果来回的路线是一样的，那你刚刚所辛苦攀上的斜坡，将会在回程的时候给予你无比的快感。反着方向，你随着你的单车急速滑下，风和你的头发纠结着，你努力地呼吸，把早晨的空气吸入你的肺里。你想哭。你想起了她。你想起了他们。你想起了那段时光。你混乱的思绪暂时得到解放。你希望能够一直这样在风里奔驰着，虽然你的速度和马路上的摩托车比起来是个笑话，但此时此刻，你觉得，只要这样，就够了。

CHANGE.

i'm in love with the french boy.

haha.

he's so cute, good-looking, kind & smart!

(by the way, he's not really a geek)

i am incapable of being true to people like you. sorry.

I don't know where to go

簽證 ∙ 時差 ∙ 飛行哩數 visa ∙ time difference ∙ air mileage
作曲／作詞／編曲／監製：林一峰

簽證一次一次提醒你　世界不是你的家
暗地嚮往到處留情　只是個諷刺
瀟洒其實更像笑話

獨自踱步在陌生城市　仰望褪色的銅像
嘗試擁抱多少不能抓住的剎那
惦記著遠方的時差

From JFK to Heathrow
知道的越來越多　記得的越來越少
From Narita to Charles de Gaulle
決定得越來越晚　放棄得越來越早
I don't know where to go
I don't know where to go
Anyway I will never be the same again
天涯海角　無處可逃

里數無聲無色的累積　日換星移沒痕跡
追得到朝夕　追不回消失的記憶
眨眼之間心在何地

From London to New York
新鮮的越來越多　留戀的越來越少
From Paris to Tokyo
版圖越來越大　世界越來越小
I don't know where to go
I don't know where to go
Anyway I will never be the same again
天涯海角　誰能預料

Now come on, come on
Why don’t you sit by my side
You got nowhere to hide
Oh come on, come on
We all got nothing to lose, really nothing but time
I don't know where it goes
I don't know where it goes
Anyway I will never be the same again
明天醒來　一切不再

grand plans

i guess sometimes i am prone to 献殷勤. hahahah.

anyway, im on my rooftop, watching the stars, thinking of grand plans. i think so much better up here. fresh air is the best!

a fraud

when i think back to those days when i was pretending to be someone else, i shudder. i am glad that i am doing none of that anymore.

a couple of years ago, i went to a local art college and i studied music. before that, i knew nothing - absolutely nothing - about music, aside from a few months of guitar lessons back when i was 16. in my class, i was the only one who didn't know how to sightread. i couldn't, like my classmates, identify a chord by ear (although by sheer hard work i managed to do that, but up till today the logic of it all defies me). my classmates were expert piano or guitar or bass players, truly in their element, while i was like something that just didn't fit. i don't know how i survived classes where i had to do things like improvise on the piano using some strange chords. i think sometimes when you try hard enough things just happen. but that period of time in my life was the strangest thing ever. i felt so out of place, so un-myself. i was surrounded by people that i just couldnt - for the life of me - talk to with any decent level of comfort. looking back it's actually FUNNY. i managed to somehow acquire a basic level of musical knowledge, i even went on to learn jazz theory (which, believe me, is deceivingly complicated, but quite charming) and in school i composed my first electronic dance piece. i wrote gameboy music. i composed music using strange softwares for a real short film (although the filmmaker didn't pay me). i even performed in NUS (yes, roll eyes now). what was i doing? i was actually trying to become someone that i wanted to be. but all the while i could only pretend, because i am not a musician, and will never be a good one, simply because it is just not something that flows in my blood. it simply doesn't come naturally.

so anyway, we get to the part of the story where a couple of people called me recently, wanting me to compose for their film. i almost laughed out loud. i have deleted all my music programs. i probably can't remember how to use any of them anymore. i am just a pretender. they said they love my work, which they heard from their friend's short film, and that they really wanted me to work on their film. i told them i am extremely busy now and will not have the time to work on this project. they said they'd pass me the film and if i could squeeze some time out, perhaps i could help them with it? i didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, because the fact is i am truly a seriously bad composer, and yet they like my work. and i am going to get paid for it. it's just.....ludicrous. so pls, never let your past catch up on you.

lost in l.a.
作曲：林一峰
作詞：林一峰
編曲：何秉舜@goomusic
監製：何秉舜@goomusic

道別的時候　我只感到好累
不想說話　不想看到誰
結實的擁抱　抱不住脆弱的關係
我拿甚麼　支持我的傷悲

永遠快樂的你　好像從來不懂得思念的滋味
你隨便揮揮手　就能吹落我的眼淚
轉念之間　我差點願意放棄一切留下來
but i can't stay, was almost lost in l.a.

延綿的燈火　繁華散落一地
眨眼瞬間　視線模糊　沾濕回憶
善忘的月光　沿海公路遺下的溫暖
灑在海上　天亮就沒痕跡

永遠輕鬆的你　像不擔心以後不能再見面
就算沒道別　你大概也不會後悔
感情的事　我以為我已免疫　不心動　不心碎
now i'm ok, just almost lost in l.a.

永遠快樂的你　像從來不懂得思念的滋味
若不狠下心　我不知道如何面對
轉念之間　我差點願意放棄一切留下來
but i can't stay, was lost in l.a.

back on my way, was just lost in l.a.

talking endlessly

these days all i can remember is talking endlessly and having endless conversations with all sorts of different people. it has mainly to do with my "get to know everyone better because it's amazing that our paths crossed" obsession, so i have been very happy to talk to all these strangers and friends and to share openly with them.

anw the highlight of my day today was (needless to say it is talking-related) having a great conversation with a cute, rather geeky french boy (he was from france but lives in switzerland) and a pretty struggling actress (who made my heart skip a few beats, i must admit - why're struggling artists all so attractive?), and a nice new friend whom i like alot!

right now im just extremely hungry and sleepy and tired, so goodnight you all. try to strike up a conversation with a stranger everyday, you will be surprised by how interesting things can get!

*

btw i am ADDICTED to chet lam's version of "Lost in L.A." which can be found here --> http://www.douban.com/artist/chetlam/

it's truly awesome.

新的开始

开始认真且努力地为自己做一些事情。

豁达

i'm feeling very assured, i dont know why, like the fog has cleared, like i suddenly realized that there is NOTHING to be afraid of. that life is ok: it's ok to make mistakes, it's ok to be uncool, it's ok to be a little crazy, it's ok to quit your job, it's ok to run away with your lover, it's ok to write a song that no one ever finds out about, it's ok to have a crush on someone who doesn't even know you exist, it's ok to be a little nervous, it's ok to dream big, it's ok to be lazy, it's ok to be perfectionistic, it's ok to fall a little bit, it's ok to be proud, it's ok to disagree, it's ok to be yourself.

oceania

旅行／生活／旅行

答应自己，这两年内一定要来个痛快的长途旅行！

*

“你知道我们这种人，
受不了拘束，
头脑清楚，
可是也常常觉得困惑，
对生命有所坚持，
对空虚又有深刻的认识。”

48 hours of exceptional sleeping time

i feel very bad that everytime i talk to someone these days, i am on the verge of falling asleep. i can feel my eyes rolling back and my thoughts getting jumbled up and i can feel myself just spacing out (of the massive, incredible kind). but i try very hard to pretend to be awake, opening my eyes as big as possible, sound over-enthusiastic, trying to seem interested in what we're talking about, but i know they know. i'm sorry. i'm just so fucking sleepy everyday. i think i can sleep for 48 hours straight if i ever have the chance to do that. and now, before that ever happens, i will need to get all the things written down on the post-it notes stuck to my table done. and then MAYBE, just maybe, i will get to sleep for 48 hours straight on my extremely extremely comfortable bed, under my warm blanket, wake up to the sun shining through my windows, in a state of blissful half-consciousness, and fall back asleep again.

that is my version of heaven these days.

another amazing dream last night: i am wandering around in a shopping mall, and then suddenly i find myself floating outside the building. i have grown wings and i am flying up into the sky, higher & higher, and i am attempting to touch the sun. the scene is splendid, great clouds permeated with the light from the sun, but i am terrified. it is a fucking scary feeling. i look down and i am filled with enormous fear, paralysing despair. i am reaching the end of the atmosphere and i am reaching the sun but then suddenly i stop flying. i fall through the sky and wake up, desperate.

2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020.............

can u believe it? it's 4 days to mid 2009.

we live in such futuristic times.

持续地做好一件事

as long as you keep working on something, it will only get bigger and better. more complicated, but also more developed. that, i believe, is one of the natural laws of this world. so if u have a dream (no matter how ridiculous or how stupid it might seem), just do it. just START. as long as you keep at it, something good (along with all the bad, but it'll be fucking worth it) is going to happen. it's really kinda amazing.

i used to be very impatient abt things, wanting to get from point A to point Z in the split of a second. later i learned that the best things come to those who're smart enough to wait - sometimes you simply have to wait out the initial period of uncertainty and make mistakes and endure your own stupidity - once you wait long enough, everything will fall into place and the magic will begin.

*

i have been having crazy psychedelic unsettling dreams these past few days. half of them i can't remember, but they almost always involve the same people. we're in carnivals, we're running away, etc... the details escape me. i wake up and i feel strange.

*

i miss

1) kenting - i miss surfing, i miss the fucking good 咸稣鸡 (how do they make it so good?!), i miss the glorious scenery as you ride along the highway, i miss the waves, i miss walking around in slippers and surfing shorts (i do that in singapore too but it's just not the same).......... (i am considering flying straight to 高雄 then hitch a ride to kenting first thing the next time i go to taiwan!)

2) taking photographs, but none of my !&@$%#^!@ cameras at home work and my 400D is in the shop. and so i've to go to the beach tomorrow without a camera.

work work work

i love our new rooftop area. can't wait for it to be ready! i managed to get hold of some really cool vintage furniture.....damn happy!! u know, i really dont mind being a garang guni!

im totally swamped with work. it just never ends. slept at 6am this morning becos i was too excited, so i shall slp earlier today. thank god we close at 6pm tomorrow! woo. (and then i shall finally finally go down to booksA. to settle some stuff)

my new plan is to work 6.5 days a week for the next 6 months, and then we'll see what happens. hahaha.

i can't sleep, even tho im extremely extremely sleepy and tired. so i impulsively decided on something i've always wanted to do and i got it started. woo! what is it? i shant tell u. time will tell u! but it's exciting. haha. i know, u hate being kept in suspense right?? hahaha.

i shd sleep. i really should. but i'm fucking hungry. and a little excited abt everything.

[ u know, sometimes i really feel happy abt how everything has turned out, and i dont regret any of the choices that i'd made, becos this is life, this is what i have been dreaming of, and it's happening....how many ppl can say that? but to sustain this dream, no one will ever really know how much effort and hard work we've put in, it's crazy and sometimes kinda unreal, but i am so grateful - and i know i could only do it becos of you and you and you and you.... i sound like i just got the 终身大奖 at star awards, and yes i know i havent even succeeded yet, but.....i just feel very grateful la! the best is yet to come, really ;) ]

near death incident

today i had my first near death incident.

i was on the car when my sister braked really hard.

in that split second, a few thoughts went through my head as i hurtled through the air (strangely, the whole thing seemed to happen in slow motion): are we going to get into a horrific, fatal accident and die? the second thought: wow, i am flying through the air.

after the left side of my face collided with the TV on the back of the seat with a tremendous impact (yes there is a TV in our car), another few thoughts occurred to me: fuck, i am going to break my jaw, and i am going to need an operation, but thank god i didn't hit my head, if not i would have a concussion.

then i noticed that i was the only one who was having a near death incident because my sis and andy were still safely in their seats (because they had their seat belts on), totally oblivious to the drama that was happening at the back of the car.

anyway, long story short, i had a near death incident but i didn't die. and i didn't break my face or anything. but i really should put on my seat belt in future.

passing scenery

open-air space at casual poet coming soon

真正地生活

我最喜欢遇到一些好像不属于这个世界的人，因为他们的故事总是会让我得到一些重要的启示。

从台湾回来后，念念不忘的其实不是垦丁美丽的沙滩和漂亮的浪，也不是那间超级漂亮物超所值的民宿，而是在那里所遇到的一些人物。虽然并没有什么机会很深入地认识、了解他们，可是我还是被他们的真诚，他们的真实，还有他们很另类又很潇洒的生活态度给感染到。

这个世界其实容得下任何一个生活方式，可是不是每个人都有勇气去追求心目中的理想生活。当然，也不是每个人都这么幸运能够真的实现梦想，成功地过他们自己要过的生活。

我在垦丁结识了阿飞哥这个人物，他就真的做到了。

还没到垦丁前，在网上大略读过关于飞哥的故事。他本来是个住在台北的设计师，后来毅然决定到垦丁生活、工作。听说他在垦丁大街上为旅客画绘文刺青，挣扎了六年才终于开了一间属于他自己的冲浪民宿。后来，他更开了二馆，还同时拥有两间冲浪服饰店，成功地发展自己的阿飞品牌。

飞哥的故事非常励志人心，可是更令我感动的是整个阿飞家族的生活方式和态度，是那么的温和，简单，朴实。远离城市的他们，并没有上电影院看戏的机会，也没有百货公司可以逛。他们没有乌节路西门丁starbucks人造游乐场；他们只有沙滩，清澈的海水，一座一座令人心旷神怡的山，辽阔的草原，一大堆混得很熟的邻居。每天早上九点如果浪正点的话，他们还可以拿着冲浪板奋力地往海里跑去，总之就是用尽全身的力气往那个蔚蓝的海洋奔去.......我觉得，这都是他们所拥有的，而这些也都是我们所望尘莫及的。

不知道为什么，我突然觉得，他们这群人真的是在生活，因为一切都是那么地实在，那么地真实。我们这些城市人，背着城市人独有的孤独寂寞与压力，到底几时才能够摆脱城市的包袱，开始好好地过一些真实，实在的生活呢？

PS: 对了，顺带一提，阿飞虽然已经算是个成功的企业家（依我看来），可是他每晚还是会到垦丁大街去为旅客画彩绘刺青，早上还会教客人冲浪。我觉得这是一件非常非常酷的事！

我在垦丁 天气晴

太爽了！！！

我怎么都不想睡／天特别蓝／夜特别黑

这几天有个想法：就是很想做回自己，做好自己。

这就是生活，简单复杂得不像话。

明天就要去垦丁了。汉文说，大海能够把什么问题都解决掉。我相信！

time has passed us by

falling sick 2 days before u leave the country and one day before your good friend's wedding is never a good thing. especially when u haven't even packed and there're a million and one undone things on your work's to-do list.

but anw, tomorrow is a VERY VERY IMPORTANT DAY for my dear friend and us and me. i think i will cry when u walk in, accompanied by the most amazing cheesy wedding music ever. i will probably feel like a proud mother.

u know, to be honest, i never thought this day would come :) it seemed like just yesterday when you all didn't wait for me to go eat lunch together after school cos i was having council meeting. and how you and geraldine had the same doggy hairstyle (and i myself had a mop hairstyle that no one bothered to tell me about until many years later). and of course i remember how i thought you were the prettiest girl i had ever seen in my life hahahaha...oh and how you would always wanna sit in the middle cos you didn't like to be left out. hahahah. i remember those countless days of hanging out at the gift shop at lot 1 looking at the same stuff over and over again but not really looking becos we just wanted to hang out. and the days of going to gerdin's house and listing our top 5 cute guys in class. my list included shawn, frank, ruisong (i think?), jiansheng and yuqi, omg. hahah. we were so ridiculous.

i could go on and on and on abt those fantastic days we spent together and how time has passed us by and how i love you guys, but i know i don't have to say anything more.

=)

wow

movie dream

i know i'll never do it if i don't somehow force myself to,
i will probably put it off until years and years later,
so i will announce it here and hopefully my friends will remind me
(and ostracize me if i don't do it):

i want to make a short film by the end of 2009!



(it's one of the ironies of human existence that we don't always do what we want to do. it's as simple as just doing it, but we seem to face a whole lot of inertia. i suppose we're held back by many factors, real or imagined. the solution would be to grit your teeth, clench your fists, close your eyes and just DO IT. thats the awesome thing abt life: we DO have a certain amount of control over it)




(i had a VERY FANTASTIC dream last night.

my earliest memory of the dream: driving through the skies of this magnificent city, the most beautiful city that ever existed in the world.

then, suddenly, the city plunged into chaos. the sea raged ferociously, like it was going to eat up the city any moment now. it was like the end of the world, but it was also fucking beautiful.

suddenly someone told me that this entire city and the chaos that later enveloped it were actually generated by weidong using an advanced computer program. we were in a digital city that weidong had invented - a massive, super-modern city with bright lights and sprawling skyscrapers and the most unmatched skyline in the world, over the universe.

and then suddenly we were looking out into a coffeeshop with alot of people sitting around drinking coffee and talking to each other. we were told that they were invented by weidong as well, merely bits and pieces of digital information.

then my stupid sister came into my room and woke me up. i managed to go back into the dream and she came in again. i tried to go back to the dream again and then she came in AGAIN.

GOD.)

青春青春

有很多想做的事
在这些日子还没过去之前





那



我就开始了！！！！！

sense of belonging / 归属感

以前在学校的时候总是会上一些civic education的课，那是我第一次接触到"sense of belonging"(归属感)这个词。

老师告诉我们，政府要我们买HDB flat就是为了给我们"sense of belonging"，因为如果这个国家有什么是属于我们的，我们就会想保护这里 － 因为我们的家，我们爱的人，我们的事业都在这里。

真的，我从小就以为所谓的归属感就是这么一回事。

可是在成长的过程里，就好像一个被困在男人身体里的女人一样，我一直都觉得自己不属于这里。

归属感不是一间政府组屋能够给我们的。我相信它是一种无法用语言来表达的感觉，而我在台湾第一次找到了这种感觉。

obstacles exist for a reason.

i understand now.

simple happiness

快乐很简单，只可惜大多数人穷尽一生都学不会。

有时候突然觉得...我们只要放心地活着，就够了。